Sedition
by CaptainLyssa
Summary: Lt. Paris confessed his actions at Caldik Prime. It took a special kind of CO to overlook his past mistakes, and longer to be promoted. Now a single father, Capt. Rue Howard of Voyager, has made Paris is XO. Their mission, to find their predecessor, the USS Intrepid, which disappeared in the Badlands with all hands, including Tom's wife, a suspected Maquis traitor.
1. Redemption

**AN:** This story might start out very familiar to some of you. It's a revamped from Choose your own adventure. Initially this was going to be the Kathryn Janeway option, so some of you might understand where this is going. Unfortunately, no choice here. I've written 6 chapters and expect the work will be about 12-15. Although I'll keep much of the violence and angst off camera, there will be some and a warning posted at the start of each chapter if required.

* * *

_Voyager_ was never designed to be a generational or even family friendly ship. She was a short-ranged cruiser, intended to ferry dignitaries around the Federation's Alpha quadrant. Her reason for construction, Diplomacy in an increasingly unstable part of the galaxy. Yet, Captain Rue Howard, a middle-aged human with forty years Starfleet experience knew single fathers were rare, even in the twenty-fourth century. So, when his First Officer requested permission to bring his daughter aboard, he'd agreed, reluctantly. It proved to open a can of worms the Captain had not seen coming.

_But_, he sighed heavily, scrutinising the information on the PADD in his hand, _I should have. Trouble seems to follow Lt. Commander Thomas Paris wherever he goes._

There wasn't a single person in Starfleet who didn't know of the complex family history behind his new Number One. Paris hadn't led an exemplary life by any means. He might be one hell of a pilot, but his smug, arrogant nature made him a personnel nightmare from the moment he'd taken up his first posting on _Exeter_.

It was a safe bet that almost everyone associated with Starfleet knew of the incident at Caldik Prime. How, then Lt. Thomas Paris, son of Cardassian War Hero and newly promoted Admiral Owen Paris had almost been killed in a shuttle accident. To the young officer's credit, and against the wishes of his parent, Tom confessed to pilot error immediately on waking in sickbay. He'd taken the blame for the disaster, seemed remorseful at the loss of life and attempted to make reparations to his dead crews' family.

It wasn't enough to save his image or professional reputation. After being severely reprimanded, his chance at a golden career in Starfleet became unattainable. No one trusted a cocky pilot, not that it seemed to bother the young man. It took him another ten years to get the extra pip, even then it was only because Captain Howard was willing to take a chance on the man.

"Tom Paris," Rue shook his head, going over the changes that had been made to his crew manifest with the addition of a child on board. "Two parts cocky arrogance, three parts loyal officer, barely using the book, flying by the seat of his pants but the most highly decorated pilot of his generation. At least a little of the self confidence has matured with his marriage and the birth of his daughter. I hope I've made the right decision in giving him a chance at the XO's position."

Of course, once he'd allowed the adorable Elizabeth Paris to become a member of the crew, Lt. Carey requested his wife and sons be given the same opportunity. Howard agreed, once again reluctantly, because Rachael Carey was a Starfleet certified, civilian councillor. Going into the Badlands, with children on board, even if they were the product of several generations of Starfleet officers, was never a bad idea. That decision had, however, swelled his crew from the original one hundred and forty Starfleet personnel to Voyager's capacity of one hundred and eighty-six. His vessel now played host to twenty-nine children from the ages of two to sixteen and seventeen spouses. Deck four had been completely refitted, making it a family zone with facilities and quarters to match.

"What was I thinking," the Captain asked himself, picking up yet another PADD, scrutinising the careers of the civilian personal. "At least ten of these individuals will fill a need. Lt. Swift's husband is a qualified teacher and has already set up a school. Ensign Baxter's wife has agreed to establish a Crèche, along with two other general crew partners. Lt. Comm. Anew, our Chief Engineer's spouse is a paediatric nurse qualified in several species which will increase our medical team. We're going to need him, with children from five species onboard!"

"Bridge to Capt. Howard," the young, and straight out of the academy operations officer comm'ed, interrupting Rue's thoughts.

"Go ahead," he requested, picking up yet another PADD. This one with the systems status reports. All going well, they'd be leaving DS9 within the hour.

"Lt. Commander Paris has just come aboard, Sir," Ensign Kim stated. "All crew are now accounted for."

"Very good," Rue sighed. "Captain out. Howard to Paris."

"Go ahead, Captain," Tom managed to make his voice sound cheerful when his demeanour was anything but. In his arms, a tearful almost five-year-old attempted to strangle her father. Blond mop bobbing with each step, Lizzy Paris's red rimed eyes attested to her current and unusual state of unhappiness.

"Nice to finally have you aboard, Commander. Report to my ready room," Rue ensured his tone communicated his displeasure at the XO's tardiness. Mr. Paris should have been on board several hours previously and aiding his Captain with the checks required to launch _Voyager_.

"Aye, Sir," Tom's forced cheerfulness was drowned out by the whimpers of a child. "Permission to drop my daughter with Rachael Carey on the way?"

"Problems, Mr. Paris," Rue enquired, his voice softened. Suspicious, Captain Howard keyed in a search on his ready room computer. Within seconds it spat out the information he'd expected.

"Only the usual," Tom managed to infuse the words with meaning, a meaning they both knew only to well.

Capt. Rue Howard smiled, despite himself. Admiral Owen Paris had made his displeasure known when he discovered his only grandchild was to accompany her father on this mission. Although Tom could have left little Lizzy with the man, their history prohibited it in every way. Undoubtedly, it was Admiral Paris who caused the child's tears and Tom's tardiness with his sudden and unexpected arrival at DS9 this morning.

_I just hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew,_ the Captain reminded himself. _Making an adversary of Admiral Paris is not a good career move. It's just as well I don't want to climb into the upper echelons of Starfleet. This ship, or the ones that come after her are my mistress. Unlike my First Officer, I never found the right person and children were never in my future. It's such a shame Tom's wife disappeared years ago._

"Make your arrangements snappy, Mr. Paris. We have a ship to get underway. Captain out."

Looking down at his daughter's tear stained face, Tom wanted to swear under his breath. Once again, his father had upset the little girl. The mighty Admiral Owen Paris couldn't take a few minutes from his determination to get his own way to wish Lizzy a happy journey. Instead, she'd received a lecture about being too big to be carried by her father as it would ruin is image. The Admiral's words to his son were even less well chosen, especially with little ears listening.

_I don't know why I expected anything else_, Tom's mind supplied. _My father is treating my daughter in the same manner as he treated me as a child. Dad was against this assignment, especially after uncovering my resolve to take my daughter with me. When he found out our mission, well, he went ballistic. It didn't matter how I tried to stop his rant, he didn't care that Elizabeth was in the room. For God's sake, she didn't need to know her mother defected to the Maquis and we've been sent to real her in._


	2. Beyond Caldik Prime

**Ten Years Earlier: Stardate 38406.6 (29th May 2361 1030)**

Tom couldn't avoid hearing the whispers. They were all around him, accompanied by a knowing glance and followed by an offensive snicker. After six months he was thoroughly sick of it. Standing, the Lieutenant suddenly understood that he couldn't even count on his father to protect what remained of his tattered reputation. He'd finally come to the end of patience. Ready to explode before this meeting, Lt. Thomas Paris had had enough and needed to strike back.

"There is an old book," he announced in a deadly tone, standing in the waiting room of the Admiral's office at Starfleet headquarters, "that states, 'let he who is without sin, cast the first stone'." Tom's eyes swept the space, finding no one would meet his glaze. "I made a mistake, I owned up, I was punished and yet you still have the tenacity to treat me like a pariah. Tell me, are you all so perfect, that you haven't screwed up, at least once." The young lieutenant's clear and angry blue orbs caught and met each of the ten people his father called his staff. Their eyes round with shock, they sat, silent and transfixed. "That's what I thought," his resentment couldn't be controlled. It laced his tone as he pivoted and started towards the door.

"Lieutenant," a short, red haired woman stood directly in his escape route. In another setting, Tom would have found her attractive, even if she was in science blue with two and a half pips at her collar. Stopping his departure hadn't improved Paris's disposition. "Join me for a walk."

"Yes, Sir," Tom barked, his fury barely contained. _Great_, he thought, _I'm about to get chewed out by one of my father's lackies. This day just gets better and better._

"I prefer Commander, Mr. Paris, Ma'am will do at a pinch," a smiled appeared on her lips. Kathryn Janeway knew exactly who he was and why the young man was furious. The similarity between her mentor and his son couldn't be denied. Tom Paris would look like his father in another thirty-five years.

Nodding his acknowledgement of the rebuke, Tom fell in with the woman. Not another word past between them until they were out of the building and in the watery San Francisco sunshine. Even then, the Lt. Commander chose to keep moving, her hands behind her back.

"It's the price we pay," Kathryn spoke quietly once they were in an open area, "being the children of Admirals."

With that sentence, Tom knew exactly who this woman was. "Janeway, Kathryn. You served with my father on the _Al Batani_. You must have been good. You were all I heard about after the Arias expedition."

"I was lucky, then Captain Paris noticed my skills. I was a lowly Ensign, straight out of the Academy. I've learnt a great deal from him over the years," Kathryn smiled.

"Such as?" Tom challenged.

"How to report mistakes so they don't become public knowledge," she fired back, grey-blue eyes narrowing on the man at her side.

"And how," Tom almost spat the words, "would you have handled my situation?"

"Quietly," Kathryn offered, watching as the words hit the younger man.

"I killed three of my friends, for crying out loud," Tom's anger and frustration rose once again. Yet, he couldn't just storm off and lick his wounds. The tiny woman hadn't dismissed him. One confrontation was enough for the day.

"You made a mistake, Lieutenant," Kathryn chastised, her tone including a note of understanding, something Tom had never heard from a superior before. "You were almost killed yourself. From the medical report, it was touch and go for several hours. You didn't set out to deliberately crash that shuttle. From what I read, once the initial error was made, you did everything in your power to limit the damage."

"They're still dead," Tom hissed.

"And your alive," Kathryn went for his throat, as she saw it. Survivors guilt, she knew, could eat a person alive. "That's the real problem here, isn't it, Tom? You know, next time it might be you. What would you say to the pilot who survived in the same situation."

Thinking hard, he couldn't come up with anything. No sarcastic quip entered his mind. Turning his ire on the woman causing it, Tom demanded, "what would you?"

"I think the young man is flagellating himself enough and nothing I could say would help," Kathryn answered slowly, keeping her tone low. "I believe he's abjectly sorry for causing that crash and he'll never make the same mistake again. I don't think the death of his companions will ever leave him and it's made him grow up in ways he's still discovering. I hope he'll learn from this situation and it will make him a better person, pilot and officer. As to what I'd tell him, would any words make the memories easier to bear?"

Falling into silence, Tom continued to match his pace to the woman at his side. Lt. Commander Kathryn Janeway had been the first individual not to judge him but offer council. It meant more to Tom than he could ever communicate.

"Come on," she smiled, indicating the door to his father's office building. It seemed they'd walked in a circle without Tom noticing. It told him how much this woman discomposed him. "There must have been a reason for being in the Admiral's office."

"He's trying to push me into a space assignment," Tom confessed with a weary sigh.

"You're not ready," Kathryn's tone implied she understood. "As I hear it, your position, instructing simulation-based piloting to first year cadets is mindless, boring and well below your skill level. Your wasting your time in your current assignment, Tom."

"I'm healing," he retorted as they stepped into the lift.

"Your hiding," she responded, "because you don't want to face a negative reaction from your colleagues. As far as you're concerned they've already judged you. Starfleet is a big organisation. The Paris and Janeway names aren't known everywhere. Trust me, my last two postings have allowed me the obscurity I wanted to make my own name, to create the reputation I deserve."

"Maybe you could choose my next assignment for me," Tom attempted to tease. The words came out more brittle than he wanted.

"I'm so glad you asked," Kathryn knew the moment Tom understood. Her appearance at his father's door hadn't been accidental. She'd played him. "I'm about to exchange this half pip for the real thing and science blue for red after completing Command School. Along with the promotion comes a posting to as the officer in charge of a Miranda Class supply vessel. I'm short a Conn and second bridge officer."

"Me," Tom's astonishment coloured his tone.

"If you're willing to give up your position at the academy at the end of the term," Kathryn smiled. "I know she's not the _Exeter_, but _Deception_ is a step up from class two shuttles."

As quickly at that, Lt. Tom Paris's fortune changed. The twenty-seven-person crew might know about his indiscretion, but it was never mentioned. Kathryn Janeway kept a tight ship and her senior officers cohesive on the short missions out of Starbase 245.


	3. Change is in the Wind

_Deception_ proved Kathryn Janeway's potential to Starfleet. This being her first command, she was still testing her style, settling on attentive, motherly but hard as nails when the situation required. It obviously impressed someone at Starfleet as much as her bridge officers, Lieutenant's Paris and T'ant.

Demonstrating herself more than capable on the small vessel, Commander Janeway was awarded the role of First Officer on _Billings_ after only a year. The Constellation class vessel might be old by fleet standards, but it proved Kathryn Janeway had been marked for early promotion. The crew under her care swelled to three hundred and fifty, the XO's duties would both test her command style and teach new skills, readying the officer for the captaincy of her own Starship in the not too distant future. However, those aboard _Deception_ mourned the loss almost immediately.

"I'm going to miss you," Tom smirked, leaning in to hug the woman he now called friend. He'd waited until the rest of the crew had time to say goodbye. Even Lt. T'ant, the First Officer gave them a few minutes alone, allowing Tom to complete the transport. The closeness of their bond increased with the length of their association causing a few of the enlisted crew to start a betting pool on how long it would take the couple to become intimate once they weren't serving on the same ship.

"If I'm correct," Kathryn sent a hint of what might one day lay between them, "_Billings_ and _Deception_are on a similar schedule, docking at Starbase 254 every month. As the First Officer, I'll make sure our furloughs coincide."

"After what you've done for me," Tom wasn't about to let this opportunity go without a fight, "I'll buy the first round."

"It's a date, Tom," Kathryn smiled as she stepped onto the transport pad. "Energise."

"Yes, Ma'am," he saluted. It was an old-fashioned gesture, meant to show respect to a senior officer. Tom Paris wanted it to be the last image Kathryn Janeway remembered from her first command.

The new Commander didn't have the same level of respect for Lt. Paris and felt she had the right to hold Tom's former mistakes against him, taking away the Second Bridge Officer's role. The rest of the crew weren't any happier with the change in leadership, especially as Lt. T'ant was demoted to Paris's former position. Commander Shizuko Armiger introduced her new Bolian XO, Lt. Comm. Crall Gadinat. Over the next year, _Deception_ exchanged twenty-two crew from her compliment of twenty-seven serving under Commander Janeway. Strangely, only Lt. Paris was unable to secure a transfer.

"I'm telling you, Kate," Tom complained, lifting his glass and gulping the amber liquid in a single shot, "both the Commander and her blue **_yes_** man have it in for me. I can't even make a minor and necessary course correction without permission. Just about every time my hand goes to touch the control panel, one of them is standing over my shoulder. And," sighing heavily, shaking his head, "don't even ask about away missions. I haven't been on one since you left eleven months ago. As to our shuttles," throwing his hands up in the air said all Tom Paris couldn't.

"Off limits?" Kathryn Janway asked cautiously.

"Not even allowed in the shuttle bay," Paris complained. "I'm dam sure my communications are being redirected for the Commander's perusal and any request to Starfleet HQ made to disappear."

Eyeing her lover, Commander Janeway sat and listened. Although she'd noticed Tom's increasing dissatisfaction with his current posting, he'd never complained to this extent about his CO, until today. She'd thought his mounting frustration due to their developing relationship and limited time together. However, Janeway began to hear stories about Commander Armiger from her former crew as they managed to get out of the woman's direct line of command. Kathryn made subtle enquires, uncovering Shizuko's husband served at the Federation Medical Facility on Caldik Prime when Tom crashed his shuttle. Sighing, Kathryn hoped a year of impeccable service on _Deception_ would help rebuild Tom's self-confidence and reputation. It had, until she'd been promoted. Someone at headquarters seemed to have a long memory.

"So," Commander Janeway pushed his empty glass into the recycler, refusing to allow her companion another. Placing her hand over Tom's, she gave him that look that stated he'd had enough. "What are you going to do?"

"I requested leave to assess my options the moment we docked, from a terminal on the Starbase so it couldn't be intercepted," Tom shook his head, trying to clear the alcohol induced haze. He'd consumed just enough to feel loose and unconstrained. "I haven't had leave in almost two years, so it was granted automatically. Besides, _Deception_ has more than enough pilots without me. I'm hoping something will come up so I don't have to go back."

"I was hoping something **_else_** would come up," she teased, attempting to move the morose man's thoughts to a more intimate setting. When Lt. Paris looked at her with a confused expression, Kathryn sighed. "Obviously you've had way too much to drink. Come on Tom, I have to back on-board _Billings_ in four hours. Let's get you cleaned up and sober before I leave for yet another month."

"I've got a better idea," Tom managed a lop-sided grin. He'd finally realised Kate handed him the perfect opportunity to do what he'd wanted for about two months. "How about we visit the Captain, exchange some promises, then retire to our quarters."

"What are you suggesting, Mr. Paris," Kathryn held her breath. They'd never discussed exactly where their relationship was going, especially over their almost daily comm's. Meeting for a night or two every month wasn't enough, but it was all they could manage under the current circumstance.

"Marry me, Kate," Tom's hand grasped hers, his reflexes not that of a drunk. In the back of his blue orbs, she could see the sincerity.

"The scotch," she gulped, "was for courage!"

"Yes," he whispered. The longing in those eyes assumed she'd refuse.

"Only if you agree to take my name," Kathryn knew the change would help his career.

"No," Tom responded immediately and vehemently, tightening his grip on her fingers. "You can keep Janeway, if that's what you want. I'm not using my wife's reputation to make mine better. If you want me, Kate, you'll need to take all of me."

"Warts and all," she couldn't help the laugh that escaped. Tom's expression was worth a thousand words.

"Warts and all," he agreed, finally grinning.

"Looks like we have a Captain to find. It's not going to leave much time for a honeymoon," Commander Janeway teased.

"You'd be amazed what I can do with two or three hours," Tom snickered.

"Promises, Mr. Paris," Kathryn responded with a raised eyebrow.

"I'll let you be the judge of that, soon to be Mrs. Paris," he returned in the same manner. Standing, Tom aided Kate from her chair. Taking her smaller hand in his, they exited the bar together.

Kathryn eyed her new husband at the end of their short Starfleet ceremony an hour later. A single comm to the bases Captain, an officer she'd served with on her second posting, allowed the marriage to go ahead quickly and quietly. She'd also arranged a little reprieve for the man wearing a matching old-fashioned gold band. One he was about to discover second hand.

"Janeway to Captain Kelias," Kathryn requested as they exited the office in which their simple ceremony had been conducted.

"Go ahead," Sojaan responded.

"Is there room for a passenger on our next run?" Janeway asked cautiously.

"Would this be the same individual who just became your significant other," the Captain responded with an obvious smile in his tone.

"I believe so," Janeway answered in a droll voice, watching Tom's face light up with delight. Shaking her head, Kathryn didn't quite know what she'd just gotten herself in for.

"If the stories you've led us to believe about Mr. Paris antics are correct," Sojaan openly laughed, "I'm sure there are other things your new husband would rather be doing with the remaining three hours of shore leave, Commander. I'll see you both in my ready room when you report aboard. Kelias out."

"I want to hear these stories," Tom teased, tugging his wife towards the quarters he'd requestioned on gaining leave. "Just exactly what have you been telling your crew."

"I would have thought you had other things on your mind," Kathryn responded in a similar vein, urging Tom to move more quickly.

"In a hurry, Kate," he smirked. Paris had been on the station two days before _Billings_ docked. The Constellation Class Starship should have berthed at the same time as _Deception_, however, they'd been delayed at their last stop. Assuming he'd only have hours with Kate, Tom realised his life might just be on the improve. It seemed he'd be sharing a bed with his wife for at least the next month. After that, Lt. Paris could only hope he'd be posted to Starbase 245 so they might spend at least a few nights in each other's company every month.


	4. Getting Underway

"Care to explain your issues, Mr. Paris?" Rue questioned when his XO sauntered through the ready room door. Although Tom obeyed every Starfleet regulation, he did so in such a way as to make his conduct look unaffected, easy and just this side of impertinent. It had taken Captain Howard several meeting to understand the younger man kept much hidden behind his causal attitude and decide he could actually work with him.

"Issues," Tom managed a slight, if self-effacing snort, "that's a very polite term. I'm sure you know; Admiral Paris made a sudden and unexpected visit to DS9 to assess the Maquis threat in the region. That it coincided with _Voyager's_ departure…"

"Elizabeth?" Rue enquired as to the actual reason while allowing one eyebrow to rise.

"All is forgotten," Paris snickered, recalling his daughters delight at seeing her friends, "the moment Sean and Patrick Carey invited her to play. Children are fickle creatures, Captain."

"I'm sure I'll have the," pausing for effect, Howard added in a droll tenor, "pleasure of finding out on this mission, Mr. Paris. Little people are not something I have had to deal with in the past."

Sighing, Tom shook his head. "I never did thank you properly, for allowing Lizzy to come along, Captain. As if there had been any other option!"

"You wanted this promotion. Desperately. Why?" Rue suddenly recognised the yearning in the younger man's expression. Watching Lt. Commander Paris carefully, he actually blushed under his superiors unwavering scrutiny.

"I've wanted it for a while. I'd been actively looking for someone to take me on," Tom blushed, regarding his feet. "A very smart woman once told me the only opinion that matters is my own. Kate was the only commanding officer who looked past my record to the individual beneath and gave me a chance. She made me realise my father's disappointment was his issue, not mine, although I took a while to come to the same conclusion. I guess becoming a parent will do that to you, alter your perspective. I've learnt to live with my mistakes. It's enough in everyday life, but Starfleet has a different opinion."

"There are those who have long memories," Rue agreed. "It still doesn't answer the why?"

"I spent a month on _Billings_ after my sudden marriage. A year on Starbase 245 waiting for Kate to dock, taking any and every short-term assignment to stay within her sphere, piloting whenever I could. Then," Tom's attention seemed glued to the PADD's in his hands, "_Billings_ got new orders."

"I'm sure you've read my file," Tom added impatiently into the uncomfortable and growing silence. Glancing up he noticed understanding and anticipation in his Captain's gaze.

"I'd rather hear it from you," Rue steppled his hands, analysing his XO. This unexpected conversation gave him more insight to Lt. Commander Thomas Paris than his personnel file and previous encounters.

"_Billings_ was reassigned to scientific operations, as they had a first officer with a doctorate in Quantum Cosmology," Tom closed his eyes and recalled the past. "They were based out of the Academy on Fergus IV. I took a job, flying, teaching, holoprogramming, anything the Academy asked, just to have some contact with my wife. The missions got longer, I saw Kate less. It was untenable." Sighing heavily, Paris opened his clear blue eyes. They pierced Capt. Howard with their sincerity and despondency. "I was about to give up on Starfleet to save my marriage, after all, it wasn't like my career was going anywhere. Then, Kate was promoted and pregnant. One of us had to become a full-time parent. Captain or Lieutenant, not much of a choice. I lived on DS6, once again waiting for my wife to dock, to be a mother for a few short days before she was off again. _Intrepid_ was moved to DS9 when it became operational. I came off parental leave, flying shuttles to Bajor or anywhere else Commander Sisko required once child care had been established. Not long after that, the Maquis was formed and _Intrepid_ was lost in the Badlands with all hands." Shrugging as if it didn't matter, Tom's orbs told a very different story. "Suddenly there was nothing left for me out here. So, I took Lizzy back to Earth. Worst mistake I've ever made, to close to dear old dad. Once again, the Admiral attempted to manage my career. That's when I realised something, I needed to do more, if I wanted my daughter to be proud of her old man. Hell," Tom suddenly felt the need to pace, "who am I trying to kid. I needed to do something for myself, to get out of the rut I'd become firmly entrenched in. To get out of my father's sphere of influence. That's when I heard about _Voyager_ and knew it was time to head back into space. It wasn't easy, command school, as a single father or one of Starfleet's outcasts, but I did it."

"I had to fight Picard," Rue offered easily, carefully watching Tom for any reaction, "for your services as a bridge officer. I see you didn't know that."

"There's never been any love lost between my father and Captain Picard," Tom managed a mocking grin. "Especially when he removed me from consideration for helmsman on _Enterprise_ straight out of the Academy. Owen Paris can't understand any Captain preferring their ship to accepting a promotion into the admiralty."

Waiving a hand in dismissal of these unpleasant ideas, ideas far too close to his own situation, Captain Howard indicated the chair across the desk. A pile of PADD's awaited his XO. Rue's expression held understanding and compassion, laced with expectation.

"You know," Tom managed a snicker as he took the chair, "you remind me of her, my wife."

"Don't expect to fall for this commanding officer, Mr. Paris," Rue Howard found himself oddly satisfied with his choice of Number One. There were hints of the consummate officer Lt. Commander Paris would become. "My mistress has always been my ship."

Roaring with laughter, Tom had to wipe the tears from his eyes. "I have it on very good authority," he quipped teasingly, "while I might be your type, you prefer non-Starfleet companionship."

"Touché, Commander," Rue nodded, attempting to hide his smirk as he got down to business. "I think we have delayed launching this ship long enough, don't you, Commander?"

"Aye, Captain," Tom agreed, collecting the PADD's and standing once again. Before his Captain could dismiss him, Paris needed to get something off his chest. "Permission to speak freely?"

"As if you haven't already?" Rue retorted.

Nodding, his expression turning serious and pointing to the ready room door, Tom confessed, "out there, Captain, you can count on me to stand at your side. I'll give you everything I have, be respectful, follow the rules to the letter, offer suggestions and carry out my duties to the best of my ability."

"But," Captain Howard knew the other boot was about to fall.

"In here, where the crew can't see their senior officers and the way they interact," Tom admitted, "I might need to be that slightly sarcastic, tastelessly humorous, flying by the seat of my pants, irreverent rogue everyone else thinks I am."

"Acknowledged," Rue made the man wait several minutes for his response. "I want us ready to depart in thirty, Mr. Paris. Dismissed."

"Aye, Captain," Tom responded. Pivoting, he headed for the bridge and his neglected duties.

"Mr. Uri," Tom acknowledged the tactical officer as he exited the Captain's ready room. Lt. Commander Paris studied the personnel files of the bridge crew last night, ensuring he put a name to a face. _A trick_, his mind supplied, _you learnt from Kate. While my wife might have been a natural leader, it's time to develop my own style of command. Kate's gone, in one way or another, I have to move on with my life for the sake of my daughter._

"Sir," the Andorran tactical officer responded automatically, his antenna waving slightly. Uri's attention returned to his console immediately.

"Lt. Stadi," Tom approached the helm as he surveyed the bridge. The conn officer acknowledged his presence with a nod. "Where are we with the pre-flight checks?"

"Complete, Sir," Veronica replied, her warn Betazoid eyes amused at his bravado. She'd sensed the Commanders fear underlying his determination to make this posting work in his favour.

"Mr. Kim, contact station operations," Tom ordered, sparing a smile for the green Ensign. They'd met under somewhat trying circumstances. The new pip at Paris's collar forced DS9's resident Ferengi to become less profit orientated. "Have our departure set for thirty minutes."

"Aye, Sir," Harry couldn't help the slight smile. Yesterday, the Commander saved him from being fleeced by Quark hours after arriving at the station. Hearing the stories of the XO's past from the CMO when Ensign Kim transferred his medial file to _Voyager's_ sick bay, disconcerted the young man, especially as Tom Paris seemed to be known and respected by the Starfleet officers on the station.

Happy there was little he could do, Tom retreated to the Frist Officers chair after personally checking with the crew manning each and every bridge station. Flicking up the computer, he started skim reading the PADD's and comparing the information to _Voyager's_ systems. Pleased with the preparations so far, it seemed Capt. Howard kept a tight ship and the crew knew their roles. Keeping an ear on the chatter, Tom had no need to offer suggestions.

"Captain on the bridge," Mr. Uri informed his fellow officers twenty-seven minutes later. The entire bridge compliment stood.

"At ease," Rue kept his amusement contained to his chocolate eyes.

"_Voyager_ stands ready to depart, Sir," Tom informed the Captain with a slight smirk.

"Would you like to get us underway then, Mr. Paris," Rue teased, settling into his chair. The relaxed banter between Captain and First Officer put the bridge crew at ease and demonstrated the easy relationship between the two. "I believe you've kept us waiting long enough."

Nodding, Tom grinned like a child in a toy store. "Sorry about that, Sir. Childcare can be a problem."

"Just as well we now have so many civilians onboard to help in that department," the Captain retorted with a twinkle in his eye. It also informed the parents on bridge duty that such excuses wouldn't be tolerated the moment _Voyager_ left DS9.

Nodding at the subtle rebuke, Tom knew the Captain wouldn't allow him anymore leeway. Squaring his shoulders, Lt. Commander Paris turned into the officer the crew expected him to be. "Lt. Stadi," he stated, a firm note in his tone stating he was all business, "lay in the course and clear our immediate departure with operations."

"Course entered," she responded. "Ops has cleared us."

"Ready thrusters, Mr. Kim. Helm, initiate launching sequence on the Captain's mark," Tom ordered, finally sitting beside Rue Howard.

"Engage," the Captain's smooth tenor commanded. Turning to his XO, Howard scrutinised the younger man. Making up his mind, Rue decided there was no time like the present to get the white elephant off his ship. "Mr. Paris, please arrange a brief for the senior staff commencing at 1100 hours. I'll see you and Dr. Fitzgerald in my ready room ten minutes prior."

"Aye, Sir," Tom managed to hide his distaste. It seemed, even on _Voyager_, there were going to be echoes of his past.

* * *

Let me know what you think? There will be a few chapters that deal with the history between Kate and Tom. However, the story will start to move forward from this point on.


	5. Badlands

"Are there going to be issues between you, Gentlemen?" the Captain demanded, watching the animosity radiate off one of the officers standing before him. The other seemed unusually quiet but only slightly effected by this meeting.

"No, Sir," both Lt. Commanders Paris and Fitzgerald barked.

Raising an eyebrow, Rue commented, "I see!" When the two men continued to stand at ease, muscles tense and eyes focused on the painting behind his ready room desk, he offered, "why don't I believe you."

"I was at the Starfleet Hospital on Caldik Prime when Mr. Paris was posted there," Fitzgerald stated in a bitter tone, as if this explained everything. A quick glance at the XO demonstrated the doctor's fury.

"Actually," Tom managed to force his body language to become as casual as his tone, "I was never posted to Caldik Prime. I was on temporary assignment when the accident occurred."

"You still killed three Starfleet Officers!" declared Fitzgerald, his breath expelled through gritted teeth. "With your cavalier attitude and careless piloting! I should know, I attempted to patch one of them up!"

Tom's blue orbs became icy as they turned on the Chief Medical Officer, before he faced forward once again. "Captain," Paris enquired, asking permission to end this issue once and for all.

"You are my First Officer, Commander," Rue relaxed his pose, watching the scene before him carefully. He knew he was testing both his XO and CMO with this meeting. Yet, he wanted whatever problems Fitzgerald had with Tom out in the open. "Personnel and moral are your department, Mr. Paris."

Nodding, Tom pivoted so he could face the medic. Forcing himself to moderate his tone and body language, he declared, "I have experienced this piacular form of discrimination and any other you could imagine, on almost every posting, for the last ten years. You and I don't need to be friends, doctor, or even on good terms. All I need to know, Lt. Commander Fitzgerald, is if you'll follow the chain of command, which means obeying my orders when I give them. Other than that, please keep your personal opinions to yourself. I hold you accountable to the same set of principles that dictate my behaviour while I wear this uniform. We are professional Starfleet Officers, I expect you to remember it. Are we clear?"

"Crystal, Sir," Fitzgerald's distaste infused the word. Eyes locking with Paris, he truley looked at the man beneath recklessly irresponsible façade for the first time. Slowly, the doctor's expression subtly changed.

"Number One," the Captain interrupted, holding out a PADD. He'd used the same appellation as Picard to subtly get his message across. Lt. Commander Paris was his choice of XO and it was going to stay that way. "Please make yourself familiar with this information before our brief. I'll meet you in the conference room to discuss the situation with the senior staff in a few minutes. Dismissed."

Taking the device, Tom exited the ready room, leaving Rue scrutinising his CMO. Sighing, Howard stood. Heading for the replicator, he ordered Camomile tea, before turning and indicating Fitzgerald should reveal his preference.

"I don't think I could stomach anything," the doctor retorted. He knew the moment the words were out his mouth, they'd been the worst he could have uttered. Tom Paris had just warned him about such comments. It seemed the expression on the Captain's face reiterated that fact.

"Find a way, before you leave this ready room," Rue allowed his expression to harden. "I expect you to show my XO the respect and regard his position deserves, on and off shift. If I hear one rumour about his past making its way to the general crew…" Howard let the threat hang. In a sudden change of mood, Rue sauntered to his desk. Perching on the edge with his cup warming his hands, the captain's brown eyes lanced into the doctor. "I think you'll find our brief enlightening, and that Tom Paris has lost more than you could ever imagine. In fact, I doubt you really know my First Officer at all, Doctor. Perhaps it's time to put your preconceived ideas aside and try to get under the armour Tom's built to protect himself from people like you."

Taking the reprimand with a fixed expression on his face, Dr. Fitzgerald followed the captain onto the bridge and into the briefing room. _A man convinced against his will_, the doctor's mind supplied, incensed the Captain sided with Paris.

Captain Rue Howard took the chair at the head of the conference table reserved for the highest-ranking officer. Allowing his staff to choose their positions, Paris took the seat his right, as was expected for the XO. Chief Engineer Anew seized the place on the other side. Lt. Stadi, the only female in the room continued to discuss something with Mr. Kim, their stand in operation officer. They chose to sit together, as close to the door as possible. That left the chair beside Paris for the CMO, unless he wanted to appear rude and leave an empty space between them.

Clearing his throat, Rue indicated the senior staff should be seated so he could commence the brief. Placing his hands on the table, the Captain looked at each of the officers gathered around the room. His expression became serious.

"As you know, _Voyager_ is the second of the intrepid class Starships," he stated, tone harsh and eyes flashing with fury. "USS _Intrepid _was lost in the Badlands almost two years ago. Starfleet has conformation the vessel is now in the hands of the Maquis. We have been tasked with finding _Intrepid_, capturing what remains of her original crew and bringing her home."

Rue glanced at his XO. Tom's blank face demonstrated how difficult this brief would be. Walking over to the computer terminal, his officers' eyes following the Captain as he activated a monitor. Finding the message required, Howard played it for his senior staff to hear. Almost immediately the face of a woman appeared. She seemed fatigued and cachexic, barely able to get her words out.

"My name is Megan Delany. I was assigned to Stella Cartography on _Intrepid_ a year ago with my twin sister, Jenny, straight out of the academy. Our first mission," the young woman swallowed convulsively, "didn't go as we expected. The Captain informed us we'd be traveling into the demilitarised zone between the Federation and the Cardassian Union in violation of the treaty. Jenny and I thought…"

Eyes sliding away, it was obvious Megan fought her memories.

"We thought it was exciting," lifeless brown eyes returned to the camera, "a clandestine mission. Nothing happened until we reached the Badlands, when a small Maquis ship came along side. Jenny and I wondered if the Captain and Security Officer were gathering intelligence, not that anyone actually saw a member of the Maquis. Rumours spread that the Captain wouldn't allow the terrorists on _Intrepid_ and she was beaming over to their ship every day for talks. Three days later we were called to battle stations. Everyone was shocked when Captain Janeway made an announcement on the ship wide comm."

Shaking her head, the young woman's eyes welled.

"Anyone who wished to leave needed to make their way to the shuttle bay, immediately. They would be guaranteed safe passage to the nearest Federation world where we could contact Starfleet to rescue us." Pausing, Megan's eyes darted around the screen while her breathing became rapid. It took her several moments to get herself under control. "The Cardassian's came out of nowhere, attacking _Intrepid_. The Captain launched the shuttles before engaging the warship. The Maquis vessel was destroyed but we assumed most would have been aboard _Intrepid_ to back fill the crew who'd abandoned ship."

"Our Frist Officer P'ai, supervised the evacuation. She was out of Starfleet uniform. Lt. Jeffery from engineering said she wore the unofficial dress of the Maquis. We'd had a traitor in our midst and I'd heard P'ai served with the Captain since _Intrepid_ launched. Suddenly our mission didn't seem legitimate anymore."

"We were packed into those class two shuttles," Megan found a slight smile, "as if we were at the academy on a survival run. Thirteen of us, then Commander P'ai explained the runabouts had been pre-programmed to get us safely into Federation territory. Three days at warp two without navigation or the ability to send a distress call. No one knew were we'd end up. We crash landed on a desolate world not even close to the Federation boarder. It took Lt. Jeffery and the other engineers time to pull the shuttle apart so they could make a distress buoy. Six months later, a Starfleet vessel finally found us."

"Over seventy of the _Intrepid's_ initial crew remained with the Maquis controlled vessel," Rue reported, pausing the interview. A picture, it was said, told a thousand words. The young officers account got the situation across effectively. His senior staff understood the complexity of their mission. "Megan was one of forty-three rescued on Altona II."

"Leaving," Tom commented into the growing silence, "at least twenty-three crew unaccounted for."

"Not quite," the Captain shook his head sadly. "We know one shuttle exploded on impact, killing thirteen onboard, including Megan's twin sister. The remainder were unable to survive the harsh conditions on Altona."

Restarting the interview, Rue allowed his eyes to settle on his XO for a moment. Tom seemed to be taking this better than expected. He wondered how well the First Officer would cope with the rest. _Especially the fact his wife hand-picked her crew, concentrating on Maquis sympathy as their primary purpose._

"You know," Megan Delany finally looked directly into the camera, brown eyes still shocked at the events she was about to divulge, "the strangest thing happened as Jenny and I were rushing to the shuttle bay. I guess that's how we got separated and on different shuttles." Pausing to wipe a tear away, Megan sighed. "Captain Janeway appeared out of nowhere with a little boy in her arms. I'd been told she had a child but had never seen him. She tried to push the kid into my arms, pleading with me to find his father and get him safely back to DS9. Then this man with a tattoo on his head, just here," the Ensign in science blue pointed to her left temple, "emerged beside the Captain. It was hard to hear what he was saying with the red alert sounding and all that chaos, but it sounded like 'Kathryn, we don't have time for this'. Still, the Captain shook him off and looked at me. 'Lt. Tom Paris' she said, before looking down at the terrified child, 'William, it's time to go home to daddy'."

As Captain Rue Howard turned off the recording, his eyes strayed to his XO. Tom's private life was about to be laid bare. The pain mirrored in those blue orbs affected every person in the room. Lt. Stadi's fingers strayed to her temple, attempting to dissipate the emotions swirling around the table.

"Am I to understand…" Tom stood, unsteady on his feet. It took several seconds for his jaw to finally form the words. "Are you telling me my son's alive and still on _Intrepid_."

"At least he was," Rue answered, watching the shock cover the younger man's face.

"And my wife…"

Pandemonium broke loose as the senior officers finally understood. Captain Kathryn Janeway and Commander Paris were married. It seemed Elizabeth Paris was not the only child of the union.

"The last report," Security Chief Uri stated, having silently slipped into the briefing while all attention was on the recording, "from Mr. Tuvok, our plant in the Maquis, ascertained both Capt. Janeway and William Paris were still aboard _Intrepid_ six days ago. At that time, the vessel was limping into the Badlands after a skirmish with a Cardassian Fourth Order Battle cruiser. We believe they are headed for a base in the Maria System."

"Lt. Stadi," Tom's attention hadn't strayed from his captain's expression. He understood what needed to be done, no matter the personal cost to himself and his daughter. "Set a course, warp 5. We should reach the outskirts of the plasma storms within thirty hours. I'll take the conn when you break for lunch."

"Aye, Sir," the Betazoid acknowledged. Standing, she headed for the bridge, glad to be out of the stifling atmosphere.

"I want analysis and options, people," Rue requested from the remainder of his staff, "within the hour. All reports to Commander Paris marked his eyes only. Dismissed."

Unable to find the energy to lever himself from the chair, Tom sat with an expression of shock covering his face. Finally hearing his name, the XO slowly started to move. Like it or not, he was on duty. The personal repercussion from this brief would have to wait until tonight, when he was in his quarters. Hopefully Lizzy would understand, not that the little girl ever believed her mommy or brother were dead.

"A moment, Mr. Paris," Rue waited until the others had left. Abject sorrow clouding the older man's eyes, he stated, "I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

Shrugging, the hurt disappeared beneath layers of armour built up over years of disappointment. "I had to find out at some point, one way or the other. I'm just not sure how Lizzy's going to take this. You know, she still remembers her twin, even if she no longer cries for William."

* * *

Well, that put the cat among the pidgins. Working on the next chapter.


	6. The Mission Begins

"Didn't you hear the Captain?" Tom smirked, leaning over Lt. Stadi. He'd always hated it when a senior officer leant into his personal space. Lt. Commander Paris placed a light but friendly hand on Veronica's shoulder, making the action informal. "You have a report to write and get back to me within the hour. I have a date in the Captain's dining room to discuss the results."

"The lengths some people will go, to sit at my helm," Stadi responded, eyes alight with mischief. Veronica could feel Tom's glee, his hands itching to touch the conn, yet, this man was conflicted after their mission debrief with the captain.

"I've been known to do my best thinking," Tom replied, catching the woman's humour, "while my hands a busy."

"Now why do I believe that?" Veronica teased, sensing Mr. Paris needed to keep his fingers and conscious mind active, allowing the recesses of his more than capable intellect to contemplate _Voyagers_ mission and the consequences for his immediate family.

"Don't worry, Lieutenant," Tom returned in the same tone, "I'll give the conn back after you've summitted that report and had lunch." Sighing dramatically, the Commander was only half joking when he stated, "I have enough off bridge duties to bury myself in paperwork until my daughter turns eighteen." Quickly returning to being irrepressibly charming, Tom chuckled. "As you can see, I have to take my opportunities when and where I can get them."

Nodding, Veronica stood, "I understand, Sir. Just don't make a habit of it! I wouldn't want one of Starfleet's finest pilots to show me up."

Analysing the woman with a sharp glance, Tom Paris wondered what she was thinking. _At least_, he considered, _Lt. Stadi seems to have accepted me. It's at times like this, I wish I had Betazoid perception. It would be nice to know the crew's opinions and how Dr. Fitzgerald's malicious tongue has already influenced their attitudes. Nothing I can do about it now, just pour on the old Tom Pairs charm, be myself and let my actions speak louder than words, after all, it seems to have worked in the past._

Walking off the bridge, Lt. Stadi couldn't help read the emotions radiating off the First Officer. They grew fainter as she entered the turbolift. Yet, the Chief Conn Officer considered slotting Tom Paris into the helm rotations one day a week. It would free up a reserve pilot if the Commander could fly _Voyager_ while she took breaks and gave her junior staff more simulation time on the holodeck. It would also give Lt. Commander Tom Paris a chance to do what he loved best, fly a starship.

Besides, Lt. Stadi read the official Starfleet file on her new First Officer. He'd been a natural pilot as a child, gifted really. The accident on Caldik Prime hadn't decreased his skills, just increased Tom Paris's attention to details and obeying regulations. Strange how she could understand the fact, when his superior officers seemed to miss the fact.

Seven years earlier: Stardate (1st March 2364)

"Lt. Paris," Captain Paul Gresham eyed the young officer before him. He'd called the pilot into his office on Starbase 245 to deliver the bad news personally. Handing a PADD, Paul sighed. "I'm going to be sorry to see you leave."

"Leave, Sir," Tom asked, confusion written across his face.

_Typical_, Paris's mind seethed, _just when I get comfortable, make friends and finally get to pilot more than shuttles, Starfleet transfers me. Who the hell did I tick off this time? Or is dear old Dad behind this, hoping to destroy my marriage? Not that I get to see my wife all that often._

"_Billings_ has been reassigned, effective immediately. It will now run out of the Starfleet Academy on Fergus IV. As such, I've been searching for a position that will keep you close to Kathryn," Paul teased lightly, watching the emotions slide over the younger man's face.

"Have you had any luck, Sir," Tom asked. Unable to read the man, he added in a sarcastic tone, "or do I need my wife's reputation and petitioning for yet another successful transfer so I can see her once a month?"

"Watch you tone, Lieutenant," Captain Gresham warned, his expression hardening.

"Sorry, Sir," Tom almost had to bite his tongue as he stood to attention. "I'm just a little frustrated. As usual, I'm hearing this from you and not my wife. I seem to be the last to know anything of importance."

"Understandable in this case, Mr. Paris. As to the orders, I believe Commander Janeway will be made officially aware of them today, so don't blame Kathryn, Tom. I'm sure she's going to be just as upset as you obviously are. Besides, I know you didn't have the best start here," Paul sighed, almost falling into his chair. Pointing to the PADD, he offered, "and I was as much to blame as any of my crew. I admit, I heard all the rumours and kept them in the back of my mind, believing there had to be a fire with that much smoke. Why don't you take a seat and read the commendations from your commanding officers over the last year, before you get all hot under the collar, and say something you might regret later."

"Commendations?" Tom tone clearly showed his disbelief.

Paris started skim reading as Captain Gresham continued speaking. "I took you on for Kathryn's sake, and very begrudgingly. We served together as Lieutenants and I admired her, not that Janeway had the time of day for me." Smirking, Paul noticed Tom glance up, a second's jealousy in his clear blue orbs before he continued with the material before him. It demonstrated the pilot could multitask better than anyone the Captain knew, and how much he really wanted to be with his spouse. "I was reluctant to assign you to the shuttle bay on reading Commander Shizuko Armiger's assessment of your skills. One of your class mates from the Academy challenged me to make up my own mind and I'm glad she did. You're one hell of a pilot Mr. Paris. I wish we could have kept your services another year, then I could give you the Flight Controllers post for six months, now Sharon's pregnant and will be taking maternity leave. I would have recommended you for a permanent promotion afterwards. Sharon's pulling her hair out, trying to train Ayrsley to take over. You'll be sorely missed around here."

"Thank you, Sir," Tom said automatically. Astounded at the quality and depth of reports on his assignments while posted to the Starbase, they went a long way to ameliorating Commander Armiger, spurious, observations.

"I'm not going to lie to you," Paul sat forward in his seat, eyes focused on Paris. "I had to call in some favours and pull some strings to get your posting on Fergus IV, Lieutenant. Continue doing what you have here, and your career might just get back on track, even if it'll take quite some time."

"What is the assignment?" Tom asked, eyes blinking rapidly as the P word finally sunk in. _Maybe Kate's correct,_ he considered,_ out here I can make my own reputation_.

"Let's just say," Paul paused, allowing Paris time to understand the lengths he'd gone to secure the position, "it's a new post. You'll mostly be piloting, carrying dignitaries and academics wherever they need to go. There will be some holoprogramming. Oh," leaving the best until last, he added, "there is the little matter of your physical transfer to the Academy on Fergus IV. I believe _Excelsior_ will be docking in two days. Captain Gallen needs an experienced Gamma shift pilot to cover emergency leave. Enjoy your time until you ship out, Lt. Paris. Dismissed."

Clutching the PADD, Tom was left reeling. A year of dirty looks and comments had finally paid off. Determined not to put a foot wrong on _Excelsior_, he knew it could be his chance to finally get back behind the conn, even if it meant less time with his wife. A posting to a starship, even on Gamma shift, proved there were some Captain's willing to take a chance on him.

"Janeway to Paris," the Comm badge chirped as he entered the turbolift to his quarters at the end of a very satisfying duty shift. Congratulations had come in thick and fast from his friends and colleagues, bolstering his ego.

"Go ahead," Tom answered automatically, a smile creeping onto his face.

"Meet me at gate Alpha twenty-six in forty minutes," she ordered.

"Yes, Ma'am," Tom whooped. "We have some celebrating to do, Kate."

"So, I hear," the Commander purred.

Present

Clearing his mind, Tom wondered whether it was being back at the conn of a starship, or the brief conversation with Lt. Stadi that caused the memories to surface. He'd managed to submerge most of his life with Kate under a blanket of calm needed to bring up his daughter. It hurt so dam much, to think of his wife and son, so, Tom had concentrated on making the best life from himself and Lizzy.

Smiling at the thought of his tiny, blond ball of energy, Tom wondered if he'd get the chance to visit with Elizabeth before meeting Rue for lunch. At least Tom had found the time to skim read the proposals sent from the operations and security officers while at the con. It seemed Lt. Harry Kim and Lt. Uri were eager to impress their new First Officer with their efficiency.

Shaking his head, Tom called up the security officers report. Uri's ideas dealt more with what to do with the former Starfleet crew once _Intrepid_ had been captured than ideas on how to locate them. He included exact co-ordinates for their last known position, six days previously, a damage report and Lt. Tuvok's intelligence. Mr. Kim's thoughts tended more towards why avoiding the plasma storms would be advantageous for _Voyager_.

"Not a chance in hell," Tom muttered. "If we have to catch _Intrepid_, we're going to have to take her by surprise. Kate's to savvy to let us get anywhere near her ship. If she sees us coming, she'll hide. I'm not sure if Lt. Gaskellen Harbour is still at the helm. If she is, we got more problems than I want to count. That woman can almost fly as intuitively as me."

"You know," Stadi stated, placing a light hand on Tom's shoulder, "they say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness."

"Yep," Paris stated, eyes full of mirth. "I've been told before. Just don't tell anyone I answer myself, they'll think I'm completely nuts."

"You're secrets safe with me, Commander," Stadi lent in and whispered. "As long as you vacate my chair, **_now_**, Sir."

"Spoil sport," pulling a theatrically unimpressed face, Tom responded mockingly but quietly, "what's a superior officer supposed to do around here, to get some respect."

Letting out a soft chuckle, the changed places after Paris wiped the information off the screen. Before closing the program, he noticed Stadi and Fitzgerald had added their thoughts. Returning to his chair, Tom handed the bridge over to Lt. Uri, picked up a PADD, downloaded the remaining reports and walked over to the turbolift.

_And so it begins_, Tom sighed internally. _Step one, make peace with my daughter, even if I'm a few minutes late for the Captain's dining room. Step two, capture Intrepid, her crew, but most importantly her traitorous captain. Step three, well, I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to see Kate again, let alone trust her. Step four, I get my son back. Step five, maybe it will be time to leave Starfleet and take my kids as far away from this mess as possible._


	7. Heartfelt

"Daddy," a five-year-old tornado launched herself at Tom's legs to moment he walked into the classroom. Taking the turbolift to deck 4, Lt. Commander Paris knew he really didn't have the time. Yet, after the revelations of this morning, he just had to feel those tiny arms encircling his neck. Bending down, he picked his daughter up, cuddling her effortlessly.

"Sorry," Tom offered the teacher with a shrug of his shoulders and a sad smile. Obviously, this contact between father and daughter was necessary for both.

Waving at the rest of the children, it seemed the class had stopped for lunch. They sat at the long table, a plate before each child, Martin 'Marty' Swift allowed a chuckle to escape. "We have fifteen minutes left, before we turn this back into a class room," informed the teacher, a smile erupting at the picture before him.

"Lizzy," Tom whispered into her ear, turning away from the multitude of eyes watching them, "I don't have a lot of time, Kido. Captain Howard has invited me to share lunch with him."

"Why are you sad, Daddy," the little girl asked, looking into blue eyes that resembled her own. She'd been able to do that from the time she could talk. Elizabeth Paris knew what her father felt, sometimes before Tom could figure it out.

"My little emotional barometer. Well, Kido, Daddy's not going to get much time with you over the next few days," Tom confessed. "_Voyager_ has an important mission that will need all of Daddy's attention. I'm going to miss you so much, especially if you have to stay with Aunty Rachael."

"You'll still tuck me in?" Lizzy demanded after a moment's thought. She didn't feel upset. In fact, the little girl loved Aunty Rachael, but more especially spending time with Patrick and Sean.

"I'll try, Kido," Tom frowned, "but I can't promise. I'm not sure about anything right now. I'm hoping you'll be sleeping in your own bed in our quarter's tonight."

"Daddy," about to launch into an explanation about how he'd promised, Tom's comm badge chirped.

"Go ahead," the Lt. Commander answered, holding back a sigh.

"Five minutes," Rue demanded, without actually stating his reason for the call.

"I'll be there, Sir. Just finishing up now," Tom explained.

"Very good, Commander. Howard out," the Captain stated. While Rue understood there would have to be allowances for his crew with children and spouses, it shouldn't interfere with how he ran his ship.

"I gotta go, Sweetheart," Tom very deliberately placed the child on the floor. "We spoke about this, before Daddy took a promotion and we came to live on _Voyager_. There are going to be times we're forced to be apart and our routine's upset. Now is one of those times. Understand?"

"Yes, Daddy," Lizzy's lips quivered and her blue eye filled with tears.

"I know," Tom once again hugged the little girl tight. "It's not ideal. I wanted at least a week of tucking you into your own bed and getting use to your new routine. I'll try, no, Lizzy, this is how it has to be. I'll try to get to Aunty Rachael's before bedtime, if you have to stay there tonight. Oh, sweetheart," the little tears that overflowed made her emotional turmoil worse by the silent sobs, "it's okay to be sad and cry. It just makes Daddy's heart break too."

"I love you, Daddy," Lizzy gave one final hug, straightened herself up and marched back to her seat at the table.

"That's one tough little girl," Marty stated.

Nodding, Tom couldn't say a word, or his tears would start. Sometimes Elizabeth Paris reminded him of Kate, especially in disposition. This would possibly be the first night he wouldn't be with his daughter at bed time. Although _Voyager_ and Starfleet had to come first, he was learning to resent his new post. _Maybe I should have remained on DS9 as a lowly shuttle pilot. At least I was home every night to tuck my daughter into bed._

Eight years earlier: Stardate 40139.8 (21st February 2363)

"Starfleet has assigned you to Captain Gresham at Starbase 245," Commander Kathryn Janeway delivered the much-anticipated orders the moment she walked into her quarters.

It took the entire month of their so-called honeymoon, and more than a little convincing for Captain Paul Gresham to grant to Kate's personal request. It seemed Admiral Owen Paris wanted his son back within Earth's sphere of influence. Thankfully, Janeway's sudden marriage worked in their favour on that count. However, Tom's most recent commanding officer opinion of him was abysmal, and she'd placed several reprimands in his permeant record. Anyone with any sense would see them for the farce there were.

_Of course_, Kathryn sighed internally, _anything I've put in his personnel file has been undone by our marriage. If Tom ever finds out Paul's taking him on as a favour to me, our relationship will be over._

"I don't need favours, Kate," Paris hissed, understanding the expression in his wife's glance. Rising from the couch, this was not the reception he'd planed. The bubbly had lost its effervescence hours ago, the chocolate covered strawberry melted and he'd been forced to get dressed when the door chimed. Commander Janeway seemed to put in more hours on _Billings_ than she'd ever done on _Deception_. Lt. Tom Paris had been lucky to see his new wife for eight hours at a stretch, and that was usually so she could sleep. "I've told you before, want to do this myself, without your help."

"I want to see my husband," the tired woman glared while removing her uniform. Heading for her bathroom, she declared over her shoulder, "at least once a month."

"And we're arguing about my next posting at 0100 in the morning?" Tom followed behind, collecting discarded uniform and placing it in the fresher. "Can't it wait?"

"No!" Short, sharp and determined. The sonic shower started and Kathryn had to raise her voice. "_Billings_ is due to dock in three days and your leave is up!"

"So," Tom stood against the wall, arms and legs folded over in defiance while a look of anger crossed his face, "you thought you'd ensure I got orders to your liking by asking favours on my behalf."

Silence. It spoke louder than words. Kate had never lied to him, she just clamed up when she didn't want to say anything.

Truly enraged, he asked, "why the hell did you agree to marry me, Kate?"

Silence.

Fear suddenly entered the mix as Tom's mind wondered if she regrated the sudden decision. "I guess that explains the hours you're working on our honeymoon," Tom stated acidly. "You really can't stand to be around me any more than the crew of _Billings_. All those hilarious stories you told, well that certainly did a lot for my reputation. I haven't seen any of the crew knocking down the door to invite me out while my **_wife_** works sixteen hours a day, just so she can avoid contact."

"I am not talking about this now," Commander Kathryn Janeway bit out though her clenched teeth. Each word spoken in a gravely tone.

"Bad luck," Tom fired back, "because it's long past time we did." Fighting his emotions, Paris asked the question the moment it popped into his mind, "do you want a dissolution, Kate? Do you think we made a mistake, jumping into this?"

"No!" Succinct, the answer held a world of meaning.

"Alright," Tom growled, about to leave the bathroom, before common sense intruded. The one aspect of their life that always proved euphoric ended up with them in bed, followed by quiet, heartfelt discussion while spooned together. Making a snap decision, Paris striped and stepped into the shower stall. If Kate rejected his advanced, he knew their short marriage was over.

"Want me to wash your back?" Tom whispered in her ear. A part of his anatomy happily bumping into Kate's well-rounded rear, while his hands moved to caress his wife's erogenous zones. The slight gasp from Kate urging Tom to continue.

Rolling her eyes, Kate could only manage a breathless apology. "I really didn't mean to be this late."

"Them make it up to me," Tom demanded. A flick of his hand and the shower turned off. Picking up his wife, he headed for their temporary bed. "Please tell me," he added between kisses, "you have tomorrow off."

"Yes," Kathryn managed, before her husband silenced her with his lips.

Present

"Commander?" Rue's tone brought Tom out of his introspections.

"Sorry, Sir," Tom sighed as he played with his pizza while sitting in the Captain's mess.

"Is this about the reports?" Howard asked.

"Partly," Paris sat forward in his chair, leaning towards his captain. "Kate and what's left of her crew have been out here a long time. They know the territory, the obstacles, the Cardassian methods. When we get to the plasma storms, if we can find them, it's going to take more than a little effort to capture _Intrepid._ Kate's not going to make it easy for us. Added to that, Lt. Tuvok didn't include reports on any damage to the ships systems. Almost two years out here, without a Starbase to call into for repairs and supplies? There have to be weakness in that ship. If we had an advantage, that information wasn't passed along. You have to ask yourself why?"

"I see your thought's mirror my own. What are you thinking?" The Captain could almost see the wheels turning in this XO's mind.

"We'll be on the outskirts of the plasma storms at about 1800 ships time tomorrow. If they still have their Starfleet pilot, the woman's good, almost a match for me," Tom was still trying to figure out what confounded him. Pulling up Mr. Uri's report, and using the computer terminal to display their location, Paris bit his lower lip. "We need to enter here."

"That's the worst area for plasma discharges," Rue borked.

"And the best cover we'll have," Tom responded with a careless shrug of his shoulders. "Lt. Stadi seems competent enough, but I want to see how she really flies. This needs someone with innate skill and intuition. I'm not sure Veronica's up to the level we need. Then, there's something I just can understand in all of this. Kate's known Tuvok for ten years, maybe more. They met before I knew her and served together on Billing's. I'm not sure why Starfleet sent someone she knows….."

"You don't think she's turned traitor?" Howard interrupted, his brow creased, trying to take in this new information.

"Honestly," Lt. Commander Paris turned those crystal blue eyes on his captain, "at this point in time, I'm not sure what to think. I know we can't trust Lt. Tuvok's intelligence, yet, being a Vulcan." Throwing his hands in the air, Tom stood and started to pace. "He shouldn't be able to lie, but it's been my experience that they can obscure the truth with logic when they want too. Is Tuvok protecting Kate? Are they working together for Starfleet? Have they both gone over to the Maquis? There are just too many unexplained variables. Somehow, I don't think Starfleet is telling us everything either. Something stinks."

"Sit down, Mr. Paris," Rue sighed. When his XO did as ordered, the Captain offered, "I agree with you. I was hoping the reason for Admiral Paris's visit to DS9 was to give us a real debrief as to the situation out here. I also have to confess, part of the reason for selecting you as my Number One was your relationship to Janeway and our mission."

Smirking, Tom's expression stated, _I thought as much_.

"I have sources," Howard offered, "that tell me there are at least five Vulcan Starfleet officers who are currently part of the Maquis. Of course, the High Command would never admit that fact. We know _Intrepid's _XO was a Maquis sympathiser."

"P'ai?" Tom asked, more than a little astonished.

Nodding, Rue agreed. "I can tell you the man Megan Delany described, the one with the tattoo is former Lt. Commander Chakotay."

"I've heard of him. He taught advanced tactics at the academy on Fergus IV while I was stationed there," Tom stated, starting to see a picture. "Which means Kate might have known him for several years prior to their current working arrangement."

"Chakotay resigned when his home colony was all but wiped out by the Cardassian's," the Captain reported.

"More than enough reason to join the Maquis," Tom sighed. "Oh, what a tangled web we weave."

"When first be practice to deceive," Rue completed. "Thought provoking, isn't it?" he demanded.

"I guess we have to take _Voyager_ into the plasma storms and look for any signs _Intrepid_ has recently been in the area," Tom concluded. "If we find her, we have to outsmart Kate, Chakotay and Tuvok, all of whom may not what to be found. After that, I guess we can ask if they're part of the Maquis, or just gathering data for Starfleet. Six days, in this environment, it's a very long time. That data from Lt. Tuvok is well and truly expired."

"Agreed," the Captain frowned. "If we do manage to complete our mission, you're going to have to Captain _Intrepid_ home, Tom."

Nodding his understanding, Tom grimaced and considered the irony.

Five years earlier: Stardate 43815.0 (25th October 2366 1700)

"Captain," Tom greeted his wife as she walked out of the Admirals office. When Kathryn Janeway's sudden promotion came through, it surprised them both. "You've impressed someone. _Intrepid_, I hear and after only three and a half years on _Billings_."

"We need to talk," Kathryn whispered in his ear, allowing herself to be swept up in his arms for a moment.

Pulling back, Tom noticed the smile lighting his wife's eyes. It had nothing to do with her advancement. At least, the one pertaining to the extra pip on her collar. "Don't tell me," he wanted to guess, "I finally get a promotion too. Husband to father."

"I have to go," Kate couldn't hold back her delight, "official reception."

"Lowly Lieutenants not invited," Tom scowled. It was yet another reminder that his career was tied to Kate's.

"Significant others are." Watching her husband's reaction, Kathryn knew they had a long way to go before Tom's deeply rooted insecurities were truly buried. "**_I_** need you with me, Mr. Paris."

"Yes, Ma'am," he responded. "In any capacity, as always."

"Tom," Kathryn stopped, turned and faced her husband. Nervous, she needed come clean now. Mrs. Paris had wanted to drop her bombshell in the privacy of their quarters and enjoy the resulting celebration. "_Intrepid_ will be stationed out of DS6. Lt. Commander T'ant has requested you join her transport team, at least until you become a full-time carer of twins."

Tom allowed the happiness he felt to show. "Come on, let's get through this boring stuff so we can go home and celebrate."

"You have a deal, Mister," Kathryn smiled, grabbing and holding his hand.

Three years earlier:

"Meet me on the concourse," Tom pleaded into his Comm badge, "by your favourite Vulcan restaurant. ASAP."

Hearing the panic in his tone, Kathryn didn't hesitate. Only one thing could unnerve this particular Paris, one, or both of their children. Running, she found him, William tugging at his hand, Lizzy looking like death warmed over. Her blue eyes were dull, almost lifeless and seemed too large in her pale skin. Kathryn didn't need words to know her husband was about to take their daughter to DS9's Sickbay.

"Julian knows were coming," Tom stated, attempting to hand the male child, and his rapidly packed bag to his mother. William didn't go as easily as hoped. Clinging to his father's pant leg, Kathryn had to pry her son away.

"Come on," she coxed in a bright tone, kneeling to ensure he understood. "Mommy will take you to her ready room. Won't that be a treat while Lizzy is in Sick bay with Daddy!"

A string of childish words erupted from the two-year-old. The most notable was "Promise". Both Lizzy and Will knew they weren't allowed on _Intrepid_ without their father to look after them. By the time she stood, Tom and Lizzy were nowhere to be seen.

The call came when she had William in her arms and was half way to her ship. Mrs. Kathryn Paris didn't have time to comm her husband and get him to change his plans. Lizzy could be just as easily managed on _Intrepid_ by their CMO as Dr. Bashier. Captain Janeway required a full-time carer on board to look after their children, and the only person she trusted for that was Tom.

_Of all the times_, she shook her head in desperation, _for Lizzy to get an infection and need sick bay, it had to be at the same time Chakotay gives me the signal. I can't miss this chance. The Maquis might not offer it again. I know Intrepid isn't designed for kids, but it wouldn't be the first time I've used my authority as Captain to bring my family on board. God, I wish Tom where here. It would make what I need to do so much easier and I'd know the kids were well taken care of._

"Captain," the Lieutenant at the con called the moment Kate stepped onto her bridge. P'ai was as efficient as ever, having _Intrepid_ ready to depart on a moment's notice. "Operations have clear us, navigation is nominal."

Nodding to her first officer, the Captain held onto the child in her lap. William sat quietly and watched everything occurring around him, facinated. Lt. Commander P'ai was more than capable of leading the firing sequence, even if the woman's Vulcan logic wanted to quote regulations concerning children onboard. As the captain, Janeway only needed to give the order to engage. When _Intrepid_ was underway, Kathryn stood, placing William on her hip and informed the bridge crew she'd be in her ready room.

"Now, let's see if we can call your daddy," she informed the two-year-old currently playing with one of Tom's models. It was a testament to her husband's level of panic over Lizzy's health. Usually the kids weren't allowed anywhere near Tom's prize positions. "I want to know what's happening to your sister and if I can transport you back to DS9 before we get out of range. I'm afraid this mission isn't suitable for children."

"Don't you dare," Tom's tone was deadly. Kate had hardly gotten her idea out before he slammed it. "Lizzy's critical. Her immune systems not coping with the virus or medications. Julian's had to locate an old treatment from a colony world because it can't be replicated. If William were here, I couldn't stay around the clock with our daughter. Besides, Julian thinks Will would be just a susceptible because of their shared genetics. I can hardly cope with the thought that Lizzy might….without endangering Will as well."

"Understood," Kathryn sighed. Only after she'd signed off, promising to call again, did she fall into her seat and allow the tears to flow. "I've never lied to you before Tom. I didn't want to make this decision, but circumstance has forced me. I'm going to have to take William with me. If Lizzy dies, you're going to lose all of us. I'm sorry."


End file.
